| I thought about making a movie for folks my age and call it "Pumping Rust". |
| At my age, I still have something on the ball but I am just too tired to bounce it. |
| Don't think of it as hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches. |
| As you age, it gets a bit scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker. |
| I'm not 40-something. I'm $39.95, plus shipping and handling. |
| My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran. |
| Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live. |
| When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk." |
| When I die, I want to go like my grandpa who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming in terror like the other three passengers in his car. |
| You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing |
| Life not only begins at forty, it also begins to show. |
| Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone. |
| There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look. For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. |
| Senility isn't so bad. You get to keep meeting new friends. |
| I'm not a senior citizen. I'm a recycled teenager. |
| Be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan or choose your nursing home. |
| If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You get another chance. |
| Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom. |
There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040 there should be a large number of elderly buxom women and virile men with absolutely no recollection of what to do about it.
|
| Seen on a T Shirt: Front - 60 is not old / Back - If you are a tree. |
I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes. |
| At my age "getting lucky" means finding my car in a parking lot. |
| Life is short. Make fun of it. |
I'm not 50. I'm $49.95 plus tax. |
| Live your life so that when you die, the preacher will not have to tell lies at your funeral. |
| I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That is when your chest is
falling into your drawers. |
| People seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as
they get older. Perhaps they are cramming for their finals. |
| I am suffering from Dunlop's disease. That's when yo' belly dun lop over yo' belt. |
