Computers are sexist. We have MS DOS and DR DOS but not MR DOS. Novell volumes are named SYS but never BRO. |
| Every morning is the dawn of a new error. |
| Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted. |
| COFFEE.EXE Missing ‑ Insert Cup and Press Any Key. |
| Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. |
| Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. |
| My software never has bugs. It just develops random features. |
| C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN |
| Best file compression around: "DEL *.*" = 100% compression |
| The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in. |
| BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding |
| The name is Baud......, James Baud. |
| BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go! |
| Access denied‑‑nah nah na nah nah! |
| C:\ Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner. |
| Bad command. Bad, bad command! Sit! Stay! Staaay. |
| Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!" |
| As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. |
| Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope). |
| Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups. |
| ... File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N) |
| Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny. |
| A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available. |
| CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re‑boot Washington D.C (Y/n)? |
| Does fuzzy logic tickle? |
| A computer's attention span is as long as it's power cord. |
| Disinformation is not as good as datinformation. |
| Windows: Just another pane in the glass. |
| SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . . |
| Who is General Failure & why's he reading my disk? |
| Ultimate office automation: networked coffee. |
| RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure. |
| DEFINITION: Computer ‑ A device designed to speed and automate errors. |
| Smash forehead on keyboard to continue..... |
| ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! |
| All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? |
| "640K ought to be enough for anybody." ‑ Bill Gates, 1981 |
| Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE! |
| Read my chips: No new upgrades! |
| Hit any user to continue. |
| 2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push. |
| I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control. |
| Will the information superhighway have any rest stops? |
| Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic |
| (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network? |
| If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in. |
| Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN. |
| Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand. |
| Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS! |
Definition of Windows 95: 32 bit extensions and a graphics shell for a 16 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor written by a 2 bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition |
Redneck Computer Lingo
| Hard drive |
Trying to climb a steep, muddy hill with 3 flat tires and pulling a trailer lroad of fertilizer. |
| Window |
Place in the truck to hang your guns. |
| Floppy |
When you run out of Polygrip. |
| Modem |
How you got rid of your dandelions. |
| ROM |
Delicious when you mix it with Coca Cola. |
| Byte |
First word in a kiss‑off phrase. |
| Reboot |
What you do when the first pair gets covered with barnyard stuff. |
| Network |
Activity meant to provide bait for your trout line. |
| Mouse |
Fuzzy, soft thing you stuff in your beer bottle in order to get a free case. |
| LAN |
To borrow as in, "Hey Delbert! LAN me yore truck. |
| Cursor |
What some guys do when they are mad at their wife and/or girlfriend. |
| Bit |
A wager as in, "I bit you can't spit that watermelon seed across the porch longways. |
| Digital control |
What yore fingers do on the TV remote. |
| Packet |
What you do to a suitcase or Wal‑Mart bag before a trip. |
| ... and one more |
SouthernDOS > Y'all reckon? (Yep / Nope) |
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